Parenting can be one of the greatest joys and most rewarding journeys in a person’s life. However, it can also come with significant challenges and concerns. Child behavior is a common worry among parents. Throughout childhood and well into young adulthood, children will test boundaries, defy rules, and may exhibit behavior that is concerning. Testing boundaries allows children to learn about the world and who they are in it.

So, how do you know what is considered normal development and when to seek help? Any change in child behavior is considered significant if it is persistent, disruptive, and interferes with their daily functioning. Child behavior becomes concerning when it negatively impacts the child’s daily life, the lives of the people around them, or they become a danger to themselves or others.

Abnormal child behavior can have many different causes or reasons. Sudden or drastic changes are good indicators that there may be something more significant going on. It is important to contact your pediatrician or a professional if you experience any of these red flags:

Sleep Disturbances or Changes

Sleep is a critical factor for the growth and development of children. When children’s sleep becomes disordered or disturbed, their behavior is almost always impacted. Changes can include duration (significantly shorter or longer), sleep behavior (walking, eating, talking while sleeping), frequent waking, feeling tired after adequate sleep, atypical breathing patterns, and difficulty falling or staying asleep.

Regression in Development

When child behavior regresses, it is commonly marked by a decline in a previously mastered skill. Regression in bathroom training, language, and sleep are sometimes commonly experienced in new environments or after a stressful situation. It becomes a reason for concern if the regression is prolonged or unexplained.

Difficulty with Interpersonal Relationships

Friendships are an important part of childhood, allowing children to learn and develop social skills. Two areas where child behavior can become a concern are:

1. When a child who once had amicable friendships and generally got along well with others is suddenly experiencing significant conflict or disruption in relationships. This can look like consistently blaming others, frequently arguing with peers, not taking accountability in arguments, and struggling to maintain friendships.
2. When a child, predominantly younger, has trouble connecting with peers, lacks interest in socializing and engaging with others, isolates, and displays difficulty communicating.

Aggressive or Physically Harmful Behavior

Behavior that is excessively aggressive and causes physical harm can be a major red flag. While some children will engage in ‘rough and tumble’ play, which can look like wrestling, climbing over each other, rolling around, and even play fighting, the behavior becomes a concern when the intent is to harm or becomes harmful.

Physical play allows children to test their strength, role play (play fighting), and test their boundaries and others’ boundaries. Some of these elements are healthy in normal development. Parents should address behavior when a child ignores others’ boundaries, can’t control anger, or if there is fear or crying. Positive emotions such as smiling and laughing should be present in healthy physical play.

Self-Harm or Talk of Suicide

This is the biggest red flag in child behavior. If your child or teen is self-harming or has talked about suicide, this indicates a crisis. These behaviors are never a normal part of development and indicate a serious mental health condition.

Self-harm is often hidden and done in private. It can look like burning, cutting, picking, scratching, hitting, or head banging. Self-harm is usually a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. A common misconception about self-harm is that the individual is suicidal; however, that is not the case. Self-harm is often associated with a need to feel anything and momentarily escape feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, or emptiness.

Talk of suicide can be direct or indirect. Elusive statements may sound like:

• “I wish I wouldn’t wake up.”
• “If I were gone, it wouldn’t even matter.”
• “I just want it all to end.”

Direct talk can sound like:

• “I want to die.”
• “I am going to kill myself.”
• “I wish I were dead.”

A common myth about suicide is that talking about it will increase the chances of the person acting on it. In fact, research shows talking about suicide decreases those chances.

Excessive Fears or Worries

Some fear in childhood is normal. Fear of the dark, being left alone, strangers, thunderstorms, and many other fears may present in childhood. When a fear or worry begins to interfere with a child’s normal routine and appears to be irrational for the child’s age, it presents a concern.

Persistent Sadness

Everyone experiences sadness in life, and it is a normal part of developing resilience and emotional regulation. If your child appears to be sad more than they are happy, cries frequently and for prolonged periods of time, or expresses feelings of hopelessness, this can be an indicator of a more serious condition.

Frequent and Severe Outbursts

Temper tantrums and outbursts are common in young children, but they are typically outgrown by school age. When a child exhibits frequent and severe outbursts past the age of 5, it can be an indicator of a more serious concern.

Significant Changes in Eating Habits

Whether your child has had a sudden increase or drastic decrease in consumption or is exhibiting unusual behaviors around food—like hiding food, sneaking away to eat, eating in unusually large amounts to the point of sickness, or excusing themselves to the bathroom immediately after eating—this child behavior needs to be addressed.

Obsessive Compulsions or Rituals

Many children will develop rituals in their daily lives and display repetitive behaviors. This can look like wanting to read the same book every night, lining up toys in a particular order during play, assigning a special item as ‘lucky,’ believing thoughts can influence outcomes (e.g., stepping on cracks), and repeat behaviors like requesting to be tucked in again or to say ‘I love you’ again.

These behaviors are a normal part of developmental learning. Child behavior that becomes rigid, inflexible, time-consuming, and causes distress when interrupted raises red flags.

Hyperactivity and Difficulty Paying Attention

Children are naturally active, curious, and routinely seek stimulation. Differentiating what is a typical activity level and attention span and what merits evaluation can be difficult.

A helpful guide is to notice the behaviors:

• Frequency: Does it happen occasionally vs. multiple times a day, every day?
• Duration: Has it been ongoing for more than 6 months?
• Situational Context: Is it present across multiple settings (school, home, sports)?
• Developmental Expectations: Is the behavior typical for the child’s age?
• Structural Response: Does it persist even with support, or can the child be easily redirected?

Recognizing red flags in child behavior can be overwhelming, but awareness is the first step in getting help. If any of these concerns resonate with you, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional who can assess and support your child’s needs. Early intervention can make a meaningful difference in their development and well-being.

Need support for your child’s behavior?

We’re here to help. Contact our practice to schedule a consultation with a licensed therapist who specializes in child and adolescent mental health.

Contact Us

Contact Us!