What Is Mental Load

The term mental load has been floating around for years but recently seems to be everywhere. In an article published in the Community, Work & Family Journal, Dean et al. (2021) suggest that the rise in interest in this topic occurred after COVID-19 and brought the significant toll mental load can take on mothers to the forefront. Mental load is the combination of cognitive and emotional labor, often leading to burnout, anxiety, and decreased well-being. Mental load disproportionately affects mothers, even in homes where the physical labor of running a household and caring for children is shared. Despite its significance, the mental load is frequently under-recognized and under-addressed in traditional mental health interventions.

Mental load is distinct from physical domestic labor in several ways:

• It involves both a cognitive AND an emotional element, anticipating, thinking, and caring about family needs and feelings, which also involves scheduling, planning, and organizing.
• It never ends - physical labor ends and does not lead to endless rumination or worry.
• It is invisible, emotional, and cognitive labor cannot be seen
• It is unpredictable and cannot be automated
• It has no boundaries, has mental load in work and leisure activities, and is often disruptive to sleep.

The Effects of Mental Load on Well-being

Mental load effects everyone differently but often leads to anxiety, depression, irritability, and overwhelm. When not addressed, these can become significant and cause dysfunction to everyday life. The toll of mental load can lead to both mental and physical health problems, decreasing overall well-being. 

• Stress and Anxiety - constant decision making and bearing the responsibility of every decision, big and small, can lead to chronic stress, which is linked to various health conditions, including heart disease, high blood pressure, mood and anxiety disorders.
• Depression - the abstract nature of the mental load prevents experiencing satisfaction of accomplishment that follows the completion of many physical tasks, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness, which contribute to depression.
• Relationship Issues - The unequal mental and emotional labor burden can contribute to significant marital dissatisfaction and stress in other relationships (Ciciolla & Luthar, 2019).
• Impaired Focus and Productivity - Because so many cognitive and emotional tasks run in the background, personal and professional work aspects are often sacrificed. 
• Decision and Mental Fatigue - Unlike physical work which can be restabilized with rest, mental load doesn’t have an end and can negatively impact sleep. 

How to Manage Mental Load

1. Communicate with your Partner 
2. Discussing the unequal burden with your partner and giving concrete examples of how mental load presents and affects your everyday life can help partners begin to recognize areas they can take responsibility for and gain an understanding of the additional stress it causes. 
3. Delegate and Share Responsibilities
4. “Just make me a list” How often have you heard that? No more lists create additional tasks to think about and execute. Gonsalves (2022) explains the goal is shared management, not shared physical labor, aka chores. Identify with your partner domains in which they can become the ‘manager’. When they become the manager, they are responsible for initiating, planning, and executing the task without being asked. 
5. Give up Control
6. Depending on how long you have been carrying the mental load of your family, you may find delegating and sharing this labor difficult. Over years of single-handedly shouldering the mental load, you may have developed rigid expectations of how things should be done. To loosen the load, you must let go of control. If you have certain expectations, share them with your partner but also respect that there is no one right way in many cases. 
7. Write things down
8. Chances are you are already doing this, but writing it down on paper, on a calendar, or in a note on your phone can free up at least some of the space these tasks take up in your head. 
9. Prioritize Self-Care
10. As mothers, self-care is usually low on the priority list, and you have heard a hundred times that you can’t take care of others if you don’t care for yourself. But these words ring true; even integrating small routines into your day to promote self-care will benefit you and your family. Create a list of things that are reasonable and rejuvenate you. Walking alone, watching TV in your room, going to a fitness class, or reading a book are all great ways to be quick or a bit longer, that can refresh your mental state. 
11. Set boundaries
12. Say no. We are often inundated with opportunities to volunteer at school or sports, bake for a cause, or help our community. If your gut reaction is to say no, then say no. Preserve your mental health, and don’t add to an overwhelming life. Saying no is self-preservation and self-care, and it is NOT selfish. 

You're Invited to Join The Motherload: A Support Group on Mental Load!

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the often unseen and unacknowledged emotional and cognitive demands of motherhood? You’re not alone, and we’re here to support you on this journey.

Join us for our uplifting 8-week support group, where you’ll find a warm and welcoming environment filled with understanding mothers just like you. Together, we’ll validate your feelings, share experiences, and explore practical strategies to help lighten the mental load that can come with being a mom.

Starting on Thursday, March 20th, at 11 AM, our sessions will take place in our inviting office in Roswell. This group is specifically designed for married mothers aged 30 to 40, and we can’t wait to connect with you. Come be a part of our community, and let’s navigate this journey together! Click here for more details. We look forward to welcoming you!